School is... school. TC's methods are largely irritating and now a near-constant source of frustration, but I'm getting into the swing of it. I'll be fine, I imagine: fine enough to hit the 2.5 GPA mark, at any rate.
Moving on.
This weekend has been... very strange, and somewhat amusing. I ran into Cathlene on Friday, which was very bizarre. I haven't seen her in a couple years, and time has not been kind to her.
Last week I also ran into a somewhat interesting gal, by the name of... huh. I seem to have forgotten it. Oh right, Hannah. Anyway, she's a bit of a granola girl, but she seemed... I'm not sure. We'll see where that goes.
Also got to talk to Stephanie, the other night. She and I were in a number of philosophy classes back when I first started at GB, and her life has gone in a rather unexpected direction (from my angle, anyway). It was nice to talk to her.
And then comes the funny. So awhile back, Danielle and I stopped talking... well, shortly before that, I'd sent her a friend request on the Facebook. I didn't bother canceling it, because I figured - eh, whatever, right? She'll just continue to ignore it, I'll continue to ignore it, all will be well.
Well, last night, she accepted it... and of course, it was her birthday yesterday (not that I'd remembered).
So I sent her a simple "happy birthday" message, and called it good. I figured she'd bother me today, if she were going to.
...and turns out: nope! She unfriended me. Not even so much as an acknowledgment of my well-wishes.
Well, fuck her too, then. This should be a lesson: never let crazy overstay its welcome in your life. Not only that, but specifically in regards to her, this means I'm entirely done. I mean... I highly doubt that acceptance was an accident, which means it was probably a cry for attention in some fashion. Either that or she was inebriated, decided to do it, then decided against it in the morning.
You know what... I don't really care. I just found it amusing.
It is what it is.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Push
I knew, of course, that the storm would push back. This was simply too easy, up until now: it would find an angle, and make its move.
The exception, of course, is that now I am ready and prepared for such. Instead of raging at the heavens as the storm bowls me over, I take a step back: better to retreat a yard than advance an inch. I have learned how to take the storm's blows, and so I know now that I require a different tack.
GB did not let me in.
I am now enrolled at NWTC, taking a number of classes there. This... significantly changes the plan, at least for the short-term. It means that I need to test out of three classes at the end of summer. It means that I have to endure the idiocy that is TC's teaching methods...
But I will do just that: endure. I will jump through these... increasingly agitating hoops, because I must.
I was told, however, that if I manage to get a 2.5 semester GPA at TC this summer, then I am guaranteed entry into GB. So there is that. At least someone, somewhere, has given me a straight answer in all of this madness. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
So... that's the plan. That's what's going on in my life. The storm pushed back, but I will accept it and take the longer path. It will work out.
It is what it is.
The exception, of course, is that now I am ready and prepared for such. Instead of raging at the heavens as the storm bowls me over, I take a step back: better to retreat a yard than advance an inch. I have learned how to take the storm's blows, and so I know now that I require a different tack.
GB did not let me in.
I am now enrolled at NWTC, taking a number of classes there. This... significantly changes the plan, at least for the short-term. It means that I need to test out of three classes at the end of summer. It means that I have to endure the idiocy that is TC's teaching methods...
But I will do just that: endure. I will jump through these... increasingly agitating hoops, because I must.
I was told, however, that if I manage to get a 2.5 semester GPA at TC this summer, then I am guaranteed entry into GB. So there is that. At least someone, somewhere, has given me a straight answer in all of this madness. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
So... that's the plan. That's what's going on in my life. The storm pushed back, but I will accept it and take the longer path. It will work out.
It is what it is.
Saturday, June 01, 2013
Stoic
My sleep schedule is all sorts of out of whack, these days. It is... not problematic, but is still somewhat agitating.
Semester ended a couple weeks ago. I got a semester GPA of 3.67, bringing my cumulative at UWO to a 2.27. Not stellar, but considering that it was an 0.8 before this semester... it'll do.
Or, at least, I thought it would've done.
*cigarette*
Everything is good to go: my student loans are accounted for, my transcripts are in, everything is peachy keen on my end. All I need to do is wait for an answer from UWGB, which... they are being something of a PITA about this. In particular, my time at NWTC is... particularly damaging. They are not sure that, with only one good semester behind me, I will be able to handle coming back to GB.
So chances are good that they won't let me in, and I'll have to appeal. Chances are good that that will fail.
A couple of backup plans are in the works. However, I feel it appropriate to wait for the GB thing to play out before I investigate any of them completely thoroughly. I have a rough feel for each of the backup plans, but one of them is... kind of going all lawyer-y on GB, a touch, so I want to keep that in the wings until it's necessary to pull it out.
Anyway... aside from the school situation, things are going well enough. Hopefully this will resolve itself so I can get my financial situation in order, and get my phone turned back on, and perhaps once again have something vaguely resembling an active social life.
Things have been going too well, with the return to GB plan. I knew there would be a kink in the works at some point... the storm had to fight back, eventually. This lull was too good to last... but I think that this is the last hurdle. Once this summer ends... one way or another, I will be victorious. It is just a matter of time, now, and the final approach to the storm's end.
It is what it is.
Semester ended a couple weeks ago. I got a semester GPA of 3.67, bringing my cumulative at UWO to a 2.27. Not stellar, but considering that it was an 0.8 before this semester... it'll do.
Or, at least, I thought it would've done.
*cigarette*
Everything is good to go: my student loans are accounted for, my transcripts are in, everything is peachy keen on my end. All I need to do is wait for an answer from UWGB, which... they are being something of a PITA about this. In particular, my time at NWTC is... particularly damaging. They are not sure that, with only one good semester behind me, I will be able to handle coming back to GB.
So chances are good that they won't let me in, and I'll have to appeal. Chances are good that that will fail.
A couple of backup plans are in the works. However, I feel it appropriate to wait for the GB thing to play out before I investigate any of them completely thoroughly. I have a rough feel for each of the backup plans, but one of them is... kind of going all lawyer-y on GB, a touch, so I want to keep that in the wings until it's necessary to pull it out.
Anyway... aside from the school situation, things are going well enough. Hopefully this will resolve itself so I can get my financial situation in order, and get my phone turned back on, and perhaps once again have something vaguely resembling an active social life.
Things have been going too well, with the return to GB plan. I knew there would be a kink in the works at some point... the storm had to fight back, eventually. This lull was too good to last... but I think that this is the last hurdle. Once this summer ends... one way or another, I will be victorious. It is just a matter of time, now, and the final approach to the storm's end.
It is what it is.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Solitaire
On the far side of 25, now. The sun rises and sets, time passes, and I feel yet another year slip between my fingers.
I should really be working on my finals right now... but I'm procrastinating. Huzzah.
I'll get to them after another smoke...
*cigarette*
I keep waffling on whether I am content with my life as it is. Being single, I mean. School and life goals and jobs and what-not... that's, I don't know, just what I do. The end bit, the part with the AI, that is part of who I am as a person, but the rest is just... on the way. Preparation, in a way, for the tasks that await me when the time is right for me to pursue AI.
But this aspect, this loneliness, this is something else. This impacts who I am on a regular basis, and the fact that I continually bounce between being perfectly at peace with the idea and wanting nothing more than to have someone in my life is... off-balancing.
This is the fourth birthday in a row, now, that I have been single. No sign of that particular trend stopping. 1603 days, or so Wolfram Alpha tells me... that's a long time. The portion of my adult life that I have been in a relationship continues to dwindle down to an insignificant temporal speck.
I mean, the ramifications of that relationship... are probably still being felt today, in my life, though significantly quieter than they were in years past. I no longer pine for someone I have determined is pretty much crazy in a way that will never be fixed, who used me as an emotional security blanket over and over again.
The sad fact is that I have yet to meet a woman who treats me like an equal, someone who I can build a rapport with. Abusive, all of them, in one fashion or another, or just simply using me to get what they wanted.
... sigh.
It is what it is.
I should really be working on my finals right now... but I'm procrastinating. Huzzah.
I'll get to them after another smoke...
*cigarette*
I keep waffling on whether I am content with my life as it is. Being single, I mean. School and life goals and jobs and what-not... that's, I don't know, just what I do. The end bit, the part with the AI, that is part of who I am as a person, but the rest is just... on the way. Preparation, in a way, for the tasks that await me when the time is right for me to pursue AI.
But this aspect, this loneliness, this is something else. This impacts who I am on a regular basis, and the fact that I continually bounce between being perfectly at peace with the idea and wanting nothing more than to have someone in my life is... off-balancing.
This is the fourth birthday in a row, now, that I have been single. No sign of that particular trend stopping. 1603 days, or so Wolfram Alpha tells me... that's a long time. The portion of my adult life that I have been in a relationship continues to dwindle down to an insignificant temporal speck.
I mean, the ramifications of that relationship... are probably still being felt today, in my life, though significantly quieter than they were in years past. I no longer pine for someone I have determined is pretty much crazy in a way that will never be fixed, who used me as an emotional security blanket over and over again.
The sad fact is that I have yet to meet a woman who treats me like an equal, someone who I can build a rapport with. Abusive, all of them, in one fashion or another, or just simply using me to get what they wanted.
... sigh.
It is what it is.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Plan
Apparently, when doing some preliminary job-searching, I had chosen to use one of the worse services for doing so, in the sense that the thing I was using to look for a job typically only listed those that required extensive experience. After examining other avenues of interest, I have discovered that there is actually quite a wealth of jobs that I would qualify for after graduation, and even a number in the direction I feel I need to go.
So, here's a fun game: here's the plan.
Graduate in the winter between '15 and '16, armed with four majors and four minors. I can combine these in all sorts of interesting ways, effectively able to present myself in any manner I choose. Need a problem-solver for programming, with an edge for thinking outside the box? Computer science and philosophy, with a dash of economics and information science. I can pretty well fit myself to pretty much any job I would be interested in with my particular combination of academics.
So, potentially stick around here for maybe a year. Work on paying off the student loans as much as I reasonably can. During this period, work on certs of varying types, perhaps take one of the various graduate-level exams (LSAT, MCAT, whatev), just for fun. Expand my linguistic horizons past Latin, perhaps move on to Japanese or Chinese.
Once that's dealt with, look into moving to a significant metropolitan area, such as Chicago, New York, or Seattle, after examining the various quantitative analysis positions available and that I would qualify for. Acquire such a job, no matter where it may be, and relocate myself, and apply myself as much as I reasonably can. Perhaps get a masters in computer science through the same online place my parents did - that seemed to work out alright.
After amassing enough money that I can be comfortable without a job for awhile (which, knowing my tendency towards hoarding, should only take a few years: I'm guessing around seven or eight), apply to the University of Indiana at Bloomington, and pursue a joint Ph.D. in Cognitive Science and Informatics with a Complex Systems emphasis. Given the presumed cash I'd be sitting on, I could dedicate myself to this endeavor, no problem.
Once that's accomplished, find one of the bleeding-edge tech companies that has shown interest in AI, and get a job in that field. Yes, I'd be starting in it at probably around 40... but you know what? That's not that bad. Knowing the advances being made in medical science and all that fun jazz, and with maintaining a healthy diet (20 months now, without eating red meat or pork, huzzah), I can probably expect to have a decently long lifespan, perhaps even push the century mark. While I don't quite expect that, it doesn't seem unreasonable. Given a longer life, that extends my potentially "useful" years, and so while I may be 40 when I finally get into AI proper, I might have... twenty? Thirty? Hell, forty years to work on it.
That seems like plenty.
So... that's my plan. I guess it sort of amounts to a "get rich quick" scheme, except that I've examined the field I intend to enter post-graduation, and... this is not unreasonable. Actually the fact that it is entirely reasonable is kind of absurd to me. The sorts of money involved for quantitative analysts is pretty high, which makes sense given the weird stuff that surrounds being a person involved in the stock market game.
Anyway... I need to do some homework and take a nap. I have important things to do later today.
It is what it is.
So, here's a fun game: here's the plan.
Graduate in the winter between '15 and '16, armed with four majors and four minors. I can combine these in all sorts of interesting ways, effectively able to present myself in any manner I choose. Need a problem-solver for programming, with an edge for thinking outside the box? Computer science and philosophy, with a dash of economics and information science. I can pretty well fit myself to pretty much any job I would be interested in with my particular combination of academics.
So, potentially stick around here for maybe a year. Work on paying off the student loans as much as I reasonably can. During this period, work on certs of varying types, perhaps take one of the various graduate-level exams (LSAT, MCAT, whatev), just for fun. Expand my linguistic horizons past Latin, perhaps move on to Japanese or Chinese.
Once that's dealt with, look into moving to a significant metropolitan area, such as Chicago, New York, or Seattle, after examining the various quantitative analysis positions available and that I would qualify for. Acquire such a job, no matter where it may be, and relocate myself, and apply myself as much as I reasonably can. Perhaps get a masters in computer science through the same online place my parents did - that seemed to work out alright.
After amassing enough money that I can be comfortable without a job for awhile (which, knowing my tendency towards hoarding, should only take a few years: I'm guessing around seven or eight), apply to the University of Indiana at Bloomington, and pursue a joint Ph.D. in Cognitive Science and Informatics with a Complex Systems emphasis. Given the presumed cash I'd be sitting on, I could dedicate myself to this endeavor, no problem.
Once that's accomplished, find one of the bleeding-edge tech companies that has shown interest in AI, and get a job in that field. Yes, I'd be starting in it at probably around 40... but you know what? That's not that bad. Knowing the advances being made in medical science and all that fun jazz, and with maintaining a healthy diet (20 months now, without eating red meat or pork, huzzah), I can probably expect to have a decently long lifespan, perhaps even push the century mark. While I don't quite expect that, it doesn't seem unreasonable. Given a longer life, that extends my potentially "useful" years, and so while I may be 40 when I finally get into AI proper, I might have... twenty? Thirty? Hell, forty years to work on it.
That seems like plenty.
So... that's my plan. I guess it sort of amounts to a "get rich quick" scheme, except that I've examined the field I intend to enter post-graduation, and... this is not unreasonable. Actually the fact that it is entirely reasonable is kind of absurd to me. The sorts of money involved for quantitative analysts is pretty high, which makes sense given the weird stuff that surrounds being a person involved in the stock market game.
Anyway... I need to do some homework and take a nap. I have important things to do later today.
It is what it is.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Economy
So I spent a good few hours tonight entirely redesigning my academic plan. Like a putz, I had forgotten to take into account the incoming freshmen registering for classes around this time, so I needed to reorganize my timing and such.
Fortunately, it looks like I'll be alright. It does mean that the courseload I'm looking at is... very strange. This summer, I'm looking at two human development courses, and three economics classes - so basically diving head-first into the world of economics. From there, this coming fall is a smorgasboard of oddity, featuring: psychology, philosophy, information science, biology, economics, and human development. A heavy load, certainly, but given the... relative "fluffiness" of the majority of them, I should be fine.
I'm also tending to frontload the plan, here, given the possibility of scheduling conflicts and classes closing in the future. The more I get out of the way in the beginning, the more wiggle room I have towards the end, so that if something gets FUBAR'd, I can at least attempt to repair it.
I am still also going over the credit limit, by... actually quite a bit, something like 8 credits or so. Tuition is doubled for each of those last credits. Ideally I'd be looking into ways to avoid going over, but... I really don't want to test out of classes in a field I'm utterly unfamiliar with, and that's pretty much the only option at this point (economics, namely). I think I actually need to sit down in a classroom environment and be taught this stuff, rather than sitting here learning it from random websites and such. I mean, yes, you can get an education significantly cheaper than at a college, these days, but I guess I just don't quite trust my ability to study things on my own time. Not to that extent, not to that degree.
I mean, sure, I pulled it off for chemistry and biology, last year (which is terrifying to think, that a year has already gone by). But I'd had those courses, and they were relatively basic - I mean, we're all supposed to graduate high school with that sort of knowledge, you know? So that was more a case of re-acquainting myself with knowledge that I'd at least been vaguely familiar with, once. Economics is a whole different ball game, something that I understand the basics of but still am not quite able to wrap my head around.
...
*cigarette*
I will admit that I'm worried about my future. It all comes down to time... there is just too little of it. I've squandered so much of it already. My twenties are... basically a lost cause. An entire decade of my life, gone, wasted, on me generally just being a fuck-up.
When I graduate, I will have just turned 28. I will be competing for jobs with people in their early 20s. Unlike them, I will have to account for my wasted time - what was I doing? What skills did I acquire? Why would someone hire me over a 22-year-old? My "life experience" there is useful, yes, and I have learned quite a bit, thanks to the school of hard knocks... but damn. I feel like I am so far behind the curve at this point, that it may be impossible to catch up.
I read a short story, the other day. Okay, I don't know if it qualifies as a story... but anyway. This guy dies, gets to heaven, asks the dude at the gate who the best general in history was. Guy at the gate points at some random carpenter dude in line, and says that's him. Guy asks, "How could it be that guy? He was some guy in my hometown." Dude at the gate responds, "Yes, but had he been a general, he would have been the world's greatest."
I mean... that shit has kinda hit home, for me, in a way. I don't want this talent - whatever this shit is, that I have - go to waste. I still want to go for AI, I still want to be the one to make that happen... but the more time passes, the more time I waste just fucking around in this stupid shithole, that goal seems to get a little farther away, a little more impossible.
...
Maybe this is my "go west" moment. Fans of Card's Pastwatch, you should get that reference.
Maybe this is the moment in my life when I have discovered what it means to want. I feel an... a deep-seated anger and frustration. I yearn to be more than I am.
I want to do this. I need to do this. This is the purpose, the thing that makes me who I am.
Perhaps, despite all these setbacks... I have the strength after all.
It is what it is.
Fortunately, it looks like I'll be alright. It does mean that the courseload I'm looking at is... very strange. This summer, I'm looking at two human development courses, and three economics classes - so basically diving head-first into the world of economics. From there, this coming fall is a smorgasboard of oddity, featuring: psychology, philosophy, information science, biology, economics, and human development. A heavy load, certainly, but given the... relative "fluffiness" of the majority of them, I should be fine.
I'm also tending to frontload the plan, here, given the possibility of scheduling conflicts and classes closing in the future. The more I get out of the way in the beginning, the more wiggle room I have towards the end, so that if something gets FUBAR'd, I can at least attempt to repair it.
I am still also going over the credit limit, by... actually quite a bit, something like 8 credits or so. Tuition is doubled for each of those last credits. Ideally I'd be looking into ways to avoid going over, but... I really don't want to test out of classes in a field I'm utterly unfamiliar with, and that's pretty much the only option at this point (economics, namely). I think I actually need to sit down in a classroom environment and be taught this stuff, rather than sitting here learning it from random websites and such. I mean, yes, you can get an education significantly cheaper than at a college, these days, but I guess I just don't quite trust my ability to study things on my own time. Not to that extent, not to that degree.
I mean, sure, I pulled it off for chemistry and biology, last year (which is terrifying to think, that a year has already gone by). But I'd had those courses, and they were relatively basic - I mean, we're all supposed to graduate high school with that sort of knowledge, you know? So that was more a case of re-acquainting myself with knowledge that I'd at least been vaguely familiar with, once. Economics is a whole different ball game, something that I understand the basics of but still am not quite able to wrap my head around.
...
*cigarette*
I will admit that I'm worried about my future. It all comes down to time... there is just too little of it. I've squandered so much of it already. My twenties are... basically a lost cause. An entire decade of my life, gone, wasted, on me generally just being a fuck-up.
When I graduate, I will have just turned 28. I will be competing for jobs with people in their early 20s. Unlike them, I will have to account for my wasted time - what was I doing? What skills did I acquire? Why would someone hire me over a 22-year-old? My "life experience" there is useful, yes, and I have learned quite a bit, thanks to the school of hard knocks... but damn. I feel like I am so far behind the curve at this point, that it may be impossible to catch up.
I read a short story, the other day. Okay, I don't know if it qualifies as a story... but anyway. This guy dies, gets to heaven, asks the dude at the gate who the best general in history was. Guy at the gate points at some random carpenter dude in line, and says that's him. Guy asks, "How could it be that guy? He was some guy in my hometown." Dude at the gate responds, "Yes, but had he been a general, he would have been the world's greatest."
I mean... that shit has kinda hit home, for me, in a way. I don't want this talent - whatever this shit is, that I have - go to waste. I still want to go for AI, I still want to be the one to make that happen... but the more time passes, the more time I waste just fucking around in this stupid shithole, that goal seems to get a little farther away, a little more impossible.
...
Maybe this is my "go west" moment. Fans of Card's Pastwatch, you should get that reference.
Maybe this is the moment in my life when I have discovered what it means to want. I feel an... a deep-seated anger and frustration. I yearn to be more than I am.
I want to do this. I need to do this. This is the purpose, the thing that makes me who I am.
Perhaps, despite all these setbacks... I have the strength after all.
It is what it is.
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